The Truth about Gossip, Secrets and Lies

I'm not a big fan of rumors and gossip simply because content of this nature is usually filled with misinformation that I don't need to know about other people. But it's impossible to socialize and not get pulled into a wee bit of gossip and idle chatter no matter what social circle you might be in. Being human, everyone wants and needs to communicate with each other. And, through the art of communication comes gossip. Sometimes we listen to gossip because there is a bit of truth in the mist of what is being said that might be important information to us. But to hear this smidgen of truth, we have to listen in on a host of fabrications and exaggerations.

GOSSIP IS USUALLY NEGATIVE TALK AND CAN HURT FEELINGS:

Did you even notice that gossip is always a big juicy tale with loads of scandal and drama, at someone else's expense. It's of a private nature, about someones lesser moments in life. Studies show that gossip exists because people bond strongly through negative communication. But how could this be? I would rather bond with others through positive interest than negative ones. There must have been some reason in our distant past that negative bonding was so important. Maybe gossip saved us from being harmed or was a matter of survival. Whatever the reason, cost, or benefit, we as humans in modern times cannot completely separate ourselves from the clutches of gossip.

THOSE WHO GOSSIP ARE VIEWED AS TROUBLEMAKERS WHOS WORDS SPREAD LIKE WILD FIRE.

The truth is that everyone gossips a little without even thinking about it through the course of sharing information about ourselves, friends and family. For most, a little gossip of a good nature is okay. But everyone knows that friend in a social circle who seems to have the dirt on everyone else. No one in this person's sight is spared from a gossipers inquiring mind. This person is what I like to call the "teller" of gossip. They are powerful in that, when they tell their tales everyone listens and the news spreads like wild fire. This goes back to our strong desire to bond through negative information. There is always a teller or two within a circle of friends. In a way, tellers and listeners are alike in that, collectively, we are focusing on others when engaged in gossip, instead of focusing on ourselves. Maybe it's easier to sit in judgement over others than ourselves. At any rate once a teller is found out, many will try and avoid this person as to keep themselves out of the gossip mill.

 

Everyone I know has a secret or two throughout their lives and some people keep secrets to avoid gossip. A secret is something about ourselves we keep hidden from a group of people and maybe from everyone we know. Just as gossip holds a strong bond with humans, dating into our distant past, so does the keeping of secrets. Secrets are probably as old as time itself. In prehistoric times, keeping secrets may have been depended upon as a form of survival. According to Wikipedia, secrets are kept to save us from shame, fear of violence, rejection or even loss of employment. These days, secrets may not be as critical to be kept as life or death, but still, keeping secrets is still important. Today, we refer to secrets about ourselves more as privacy. We all have a public life and a private life.  Socially, in some friendship groups the only people that will be allowed into an inner circle are ones that can kept the secrets of all the other members to themselves.

INNER CIRCLE SECRETS.

Being human, it is our desire to fully reveal ourselves to others who are our closest allies and to have others share their secrets with us. It's a matter of trust, as to who we reveal ourselves to. Usually trust is established within our closest relationships. It's within our inner circle that secrets are shared without fear of judgement or rejection. Being the keeper of someone else's secrets, you are helping to keep that person safe and secure.

In our distant past, lying was done for protection and survival. For example, telling a lie about the location of a family member might have saved their lives. At the same time, to be caught telling a lie in some societies could have dire consequences such as being stoned to death. These days a more acceptable and social form of lying is the white lie. We tell a white lie to spare someones feelings. If a friend asks how you like their new dress they spent hours picking out, you may say it looks great even if you dislike it. That's a white lie. We have come to expect that our friends and family will give us a few white lies and we to them in an effort to maintain a happy, loving relationship. Simply put, the truth sometimes hurts and in some cases, if it's not necessary, why go there.

TOO MANY LIES CAN DAMAGE A RELATIONSHIP.

Aside from an occasional white lie, lying for any other reason is disliked by most. I'm not a fan lying and I do not like to be lied to. One of the main reasons that I don't like to be lied to is because I make decisions based on what people tell me. I order to make wise decisions I must have the truth to work with. Too much lying erodes trust in any relationship and hampers communication. We trust others to be truthful and not try and deceive us in any way.

At this point in my life I have come to know that gossip, secrets and lies are not going away. And, at times they are necessary and welcomed. Gossip, secrets and lies are rooted, deeply within the fiber of human nature and, for different reasons in modern times, still serve a function in our society. That being said, we can control why and with whom we gossip, or if a secret needs to kept or a lie to be told. We can make a conscience effort to be truthful as much as possible. To not delight in idol chatter and to know when and with whom to share secrets.